Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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