I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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