Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
