Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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