I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
