Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
