so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
