I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
