I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
