Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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