mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize