"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize