This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
