While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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