She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
