so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
