I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
