Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
