I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
