just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
