no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
