found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
