Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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