tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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