In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
