Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
