You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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