so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
