jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
