Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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