best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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