He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
