Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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