so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
