Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize