he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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