it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
do herpes really smell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
