Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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