She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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