i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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