he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
