New invention idea: vibrating tampons
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
