so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
