i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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