I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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