Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize