Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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