All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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