Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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