He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
