saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
