It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize