ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
