Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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