I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
