grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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