Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
