Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
