Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
