i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize