Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
only if we run a train.
done.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
