yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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