My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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