I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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