I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
