it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
