I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
