I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
